Who should I
marry? How will I know I have chosen
wisely? When should I move forward with
my marriage plan? I met Jean when I was
16 and she was 15. By today’s church
standards, we were way too young to pair up and get serious. And then there is the little matter of her
being a Catholic. Here are some
principles we learned in the process.
(1)
My
parents were supportive of the relationship. They adored Jean and liked how happy she made
me. Even though her mother was not
supportive once we became engaged, we still needed to be respectful of her
feelings. Her father wanted us to be
respectful of her mother’s feelings too.
(2)
Catholics
are good too.
(3)
Priesthood
leaders give key advice and support.
(4)
The
temple is the goal.
For Nephi, I
wonder if the girls from Ishmael’s family lined up by age with Lehi’s
boys. What criteria did they use in
their courtships? Did they know each
other from childhood or recent experiences?
Chances are, they were well acquainted.
Perhaps Nephi had his eye on his future bride before they left
Jerusalem, making his faith in leaving her behind all that much more impressive
and heart-breaking.
The key
point in choosing a spouse is how you feel when you are together talking about
points of doctrine:
Does he love
the Lord?
Is she
rebellious or obedient?
How does he
feel about the importance of the temple?
Can she talk
easily about matters of the heart?
Does he love
the Church and the ways the Lord does things?
Does she
want to follow the prophet?
What does he
feel about having children?
How do discussions
about the roles of men and women go?
Given a
great deal of compatibility on the points of doctrine, moving forward toward
marriage is mutually gratifying. Fears
are swept aside and doors open for things to work out. Manipulation is a non-factor. The Spirit of the Lord whispers to both of
you that this marriage can work.
Nephi didn’t
have to worry much at all about playing the field. The field was very limited. But he got it right.
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